The Voice of Truth

I have had a whole year of waiting to leave for Rwanda and the Lord has used this time purposefully to call out all the things that could distract me on my journey. Since I've walked with Jesus, each day has been another flash from the past, pulling out scenes and people from the past. All has been to remind me of my mortality, my prone to sinfulness, how nice and pretty the past seemed, but how dark it really was, and to keep my focus on the Lord.

Oh, how bittersweet the memories of old friends and old crushes, fun times and disastrous times, things I'd do over better and things I'd like to relive. Its so bittersweet. I have lived such a long life of disconnected experiences, wondering around looking for who I am and why I exist. Now, I know exactly who I am and why I exist. And its been right under my chin the entire time.

The world has so many temptations that seem so harmless, but once you walk out of the light, it only leads into a deeper pit of darkness. I can still see the darkness from where I came and it just stands on the edge of the light. Plato the philosopher had this vision. There is always the other side and always the decision to cross over or not. But just as Plato proposed in question, Jesus revealed in answer. The voice of Truth says that we are called out to go into the darkness and bring people to Jesus. But we are not to stay or get enveloped in it. Its seductive, but when we are strong in Jesus and we keep our gaze upon Him, we have the power to come back out as if we never entered darkness. Its a very dangerous place, but if Jesus had not descended into our dark world , we would not have been saved. This is where Jesus has been leading me - to a place of strength where I can go into the darkenss to retrieve others, but never leave the light. Its having such faith that you are so certain that the power of Jesus is within you.

I really do miss alot of old friends that I wish would come into the light and see the beauty of God's glory. Maybe some day God will present me with the opportunity to tell them of Jesus. I guess its my own choice, but I do believe in God's timing. I do miss them. Its tough to love people who don't understand the love you've found. My heart aches for them and I pray for them. It does not dim the love I still carry in my heart for them. In fact, I think I love them more because I long for their rescue and homecoming. You see, all my life I searched within reason for the truth of things, pure honesty and enlightenment, and everything fell short until I read His Word for myself.

It grieves me that some old friends see me as "one of them" or a "Jesus freak." Yes, Jesus Freak indeed. If that means I am totally nuts for Jesus, then okay, but I don't ascribe to conform to any list of exclusion or hypocrisy that hurts or keeps people from the light. I follow Jesus Christ who was a friend and a hero to all who crossed His path. I might not have believed if He hadn't actually sent me miracles to show me who He is. Jesus is not about a comparison of people, but about love and peace - living in harmony because we have a leader who created us in the womb of His existance and therefore is tied to each of us, even those who do not believe...yet.

There are people waiting and grieving in the darkness, as I did. Will you cross over and pull someone out so that Jesus can have His way with them and bring them into His strength?

I pray for all my dear friends - that some day we will meet again and we will be totally in love with each other and...with the One who loved us first.

From the Casting Crowns Song, "The Voice of Turth"
Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand, but the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me time and time again, "Boy, you'll never win!""You'll never win!"

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

Blessed to Partake in the Gospel

As I approach my departure date, I am humbled by the Lord daily. Today, I just couldn't stop crying and I didn't know why. Nothing had happened. It was a good day. I realized as I left the church evening service that I was already grieving my life in the US in the sense that God had me realize how truly blessed I am and how much I love my church. I was really going to miss the church family He had built around me. See, this was not always a part of my life. Five years ago I was without church, hanging onto empty relationships, very messed up and hopeless. God has truly rescued me from the darkness and placed me high upon His rock. He has built around me a source of love, comfort and hope. I am going to miss my church and the friends that God has brought into my life. However, I rejoice that I still have a life to give to the Lord in all that He calls me to. He has set a table for me in Africa with a family of children who need the hope of Jesus. I am blessed to be able to tell them of my home church family and to partake in the Gospel.

1 Corinthians 9:22-27, "To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it. Do you know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win...Therefore, I run in such a way, as not without aim...but I discipline my body and make it slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself may not be disqualified."